I’m not feeling very inspirational or bursting at the seams with some nugget of experiential wisdom. It’s been hard to forgive myself for not being stronger, more productive, more disciplined. All those beautiful demons that argued in my head pre-wreck, well, they are back. They want their pound of flesh. The crash is still the best thing that has happened to me in regards to my spiritual journey. Integrating it into my body, breathing mindfully when I remember, painful awareness of the dialogue that has kept me so stuck…that is all part of the beauty of having a toolbox of yoga tools to process trauma.
Energetically, its prana and apana. Prana is allowing it all in. Apana is letting it all out. Right where these two energetic forces integrate is around the area of our belly. Not only is this the area of the body that digests the food we swallow, it is the energetic powerhouse for digesting all experience. We also know of it as our “gut feeling”.
In regards to prana and apana, this where we begin discernment. This is where we decide what stays and what goes. This is where I am in my process now. I’m rebuilding my foundation, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I’m having a difficult time with the gift known as grace. I’m having groundbreaking moments of cohesion.
There is one place I’m landing. Two weeks ago I started co-teaching a class, Sutra Sundays, with Beth. The first of Patanjali’s sutras that we are exploring in class right now is “Atha Yoganusasanam”. This translates, “Now! Begins the study of Yoga.”
To commit takes discipline; discipline to a compassionate approach to my body and to the parts of me I really like, and the parts of me I really don’t like. And, I sit and breathe quietly for 10 minutes everyday. It had to work up to it from five minutes; but it could be one. I realized that if I just set my timer for 1 minute to breath mindfully, that would take less time than it would for me to complain to someone about not doing it. I find I can usually go for more than that…most times, but not every time. That is where my work lies in the discipline…meeting it with compassion.