Gift of Guts

Its that time of the year when our graduates step into the teacher seat and offer a free class at the studio as their audition to the universe.  We had an intimate class of three and it has been one of my favorite sessions so far.  I think Beth and I  have been through enough personal crap that we are very clear on how to hold space for transformation.  

This also means it is the time of year when we are reaching out to this same universe for those students who need us and who we need to fill our January 2020 teacher training.  I’m always so excited to give our new teachers their gentle shove out of the nest.  I’m also excited about who the next group will be and how we will tweak the program from what we’ve learned this go ‘round.  

Interest in the program comes in waves and when it is silent, I entertain the fear, “what if no one signs up?!”.  Then there is the fear response, “well then that will just confirm that you suck.”  However, I’m relieved to say there is also a louder voice that says, “well, then you do whatever is next, and it is your choice how much you suffer over that.”  I just sent out a newsletter that talked about the Pathways of Gravity and how this anatomical principle is one we dive deep into in our program.  Off the mat, it is understanding our place on this earth as a series of relationships, and the structure we build for ourselves within those relationships.  

I’m in the process of shedding a very long friendship.  I know there was a time it was as real as I believed it to be.  I can name when it went off track in my story’s history.  There are times when I am so self-righteous and want to lay it all out so I can show what I victim I was.  However, again, there is something stronger that I’m following. Its the first time I’m looking back into a relationship and pulling the pieces of me I gave away back into myself.  It wasn’t until I was out from under it, that I realized just how much of my energy I had given up.  It took less than 24 hours to feel the rush of this energy come back and I was euphoric.  

The euphoria wore off and what was left was me realizing just how much compassion I had for the Kate that couldn’t stand up for herself.  As unhealthy a role as I played in this relationship, I needed it because I believed in the person that felt she could always do better, be better, shoulda known better.  I was ignoring the anxiety that continued to grow, while instead I fed an enmeshment that ate away at my sense of worth.  

A lot of women my age talk of coming to terms with lifelong patterns that no longer serve them, and they talk of the struggle they have in trudging through this work.  We do it  to get to a sense of freedom.  The past couple of years I have been trudging through some heavy work and one of the many gifts its given is the realization that I now believe in me in a loving way that supports the way I’m growing, and nurtures this voice I’ve been afraid to speak.  I had a relationship that was, at its most harmful, a mirror image of the voice in my head that said it wasn’t okay to be me if being me didn’t fully support the friendship.   I skipped the part where I grow for me.  It took hearing my voice come out of someone else’s mouth to hear the punches that came flying through the words.  I was so blown away but what I was realizing, it was like I was watching it happen more than actually being a participant in it.  

I’ve had to have some lessons come crashing down around me before I would even listen.  I can find myself reeling at how much time I have spent denying the way I am called to connect with the people around me.  I also know, that if I needed such an intimate relationship to evolve into this type of lesson, than that’s just the way it is.  And as much as I want to point the finger and throw the blame, I’m really just continuing on the path of forgiveness.  I’m forgiving myself for not knowing then what I know now.  I’m angry at myself for ignoring my heart, the red flags my body would give off, the parts of me I thought weren’t good enough. 

So, what does this have to do with teacher training?  I love it so much that I’m scared if it doesn’t do well than it means I’m a failure and I will be embarrassed to even show my face.  

Wow!  Thats pretty dramatic, Kate!  Teacher training is stepping way out of the box of comfort and trying to take all this new whirlwind of information and bring it into a concise and clear language that fits into a one hour class.  Teacher training is throwing open the doors to new ways of thinking and new ways of living comfortably in your own skin.  However, it brings up the discomfort and then asks you to get in front of the class for all to see.  

Every single student teacher that has put themselves in this hot seat has finished that first audition to the universe and they literally glow.  Sometimes they cry in relief, sometimes they feel so giddy they can’t wait to teach again.  Sometimes they finish and say they are so grateful for the journey, their own practice has come leaps and bounds, and thank you, but no thank you on the teaching.  (Truth be told, they almost always teach again too.)

Right now you can catch the Early Bird rate for our yoga teacher training.  This rate saves you $200.  Once you are registered for our program,  you will have

• Unlimited class access to Yoga Path studio classes ($108/month - $432 value!)

• Course content includes heavy teaching methodology and anatomy

• Access to Leslie Kamanoff’s anatomy website for a full year. (Access to study guides, anatomy, philosophy, and class structure.)

• Additional training in business of yoga and marketing, history, chanting meditation philosophy and ayurveda.

• Past guest teachers have included Becky Barton, Camille Coates, Bill Downs, John Eeds, Heidi Gill, Denise Jarreau, Brittany Kriger, Amanda Mays, DeeDee Poullard-Jones, Charlynn White, Rahul Sharma, and Stewart Sommers.

Thank you for being you.

The light within me bows and honors the light with you.

Kate