After my ATV wreck and because of the extent of my injuries I spent a few months in a neck brace. For me, wearing a neck brace meant having to hold my head up high while steeped in my biggest lesson yet in humility.
I was humbled beyond belief. Literally; beyond belief. I am slowly rebuilding my self because it was completely blown up.
Sometimes, how I plan a class…
I start journaling intending to find the words that sit as truth for me. But what comes out when I actually take the teacher’s seat…it just may turn out not to be the day to teach from a place of “deep thoughts”. When that happens, hindsight usually sees it as good timing. I was missing a piece of the puzzle, but didn’t know it yet.
I've taught for a long while, and I’ve learned to trust that as long as I am being as honest with myself as I can possibly stand in the moment, I find the words and the movements to teach even at my darkest moments. I don’t hit it right for everyone. Sometimes I’m just “not the teacher for that class”. And, you’d be hard pressed to find me on a day that I’m not being real.
That’s not the same as aware.
Ignorance is real, and can feel like a refuge…until it’s not.
Awareness is revealing.
I’m so deep in the process of healing, that it will take some time to articulate what I’m learning. Yoga Path is smack dab in the middle of teacher training. Its a very vulnerable and sometimes rather raw place for student-teachers. They know they have to understand what they are feeling in their own bodies before being able to speak it clearly and effectively.
Awareness is unnerving.
Because I was physically mandated to meet this humility with my gaze held directly above my heart, my guts, and my feet, I had to quickly learn to hold up my…self. My voice. My thoughts. My heart. My arms to hold. My hands to push away. It is just a beginning. I’m only at the top of my spine.